Adoption

A word that changed my life forever. An intentional choice to take me in as their own daughter. A finality to an endless cycle of moving from home to home to group home to my final home. I thought it would end the struggle of worthiness and loss, but little did I know that it would bring me face to face with the fear of navigating what being part of a family meant. This was before the time of TBRI, trauma-informed trainings and more. This was the time where my parents did the best they could with what they had.

Adoption never took the loss and longing to be seen and loved, away. It never filled the void of belonging. It never ended the pain of struggling deeply with operating and thinking differently. It didn’t take kindly to an introverted, quiet girl who was also Puerto Rican, but also not considered Puerto Rican enough. So much of me can continue to write a list of what adoption didn’t do.

BUT

Here’s what adoption did do. It provided me an opportunity to meet some of the most kind and amazing people, who encouraged me to seek God for myself. They encouraged me to become acquainted with the God who loves and sees the brokenhearted. It encouraged me to open up and get to know a very real God, who met me consistently. It helped me to separate the perfection of this God with the brokenness of people. Finding Him helped me to navigate a healing within my adoptive family that caused me to come back instead of running further away. Finding Him opened the doors to resources like therapy to help me navigate healing for myself. Finding Him renewed hope in me and gave me purpose that nothing else ever did. Finding Him breathed life into a little girl whose odds were stacked against her.

So while there are some things I would gladly change about my experience as an adoptee, finding God is not one of them. Experiencing His hand in my life keeps me humbled. Getting to show up and share about my experience in hopes of sharing another perspective is humbling. And I can honestly say that if He’s done this for me then He can do far more than you can dream or imagine for your life. And simply put, He is the God who sees.